Practice makes perfect: leading prayers during the 10 Days of Repentance

Leading prayers is one of the burdens/privileges of the year of avelut (mourning). Both the burden as well as the privilege is heightened during the days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, known as the "Ten Days of Repentance."

This phrase, like many other number references in Judaism, is somewhat of a misnomer. The ten days are really seven, because it includes the two days of Rosh Hashanah as well as Yom Kippur. The Shome Esray prayer, means "18," but actually consists of 19 blessings. The seven days of shiva (which means seven) are really five and a half since they include the day of the funeral and ends the morning of the seventh day. The rule that a person who misuses sanctified property is penalized by adding a fifth of the value actually results in a person paying a quarter of the value.

One of the defining features of the ten days is are the six changes to the prayer. Four of the changes involve insertions to the various the first, second, second to last and last blessings of the prayer. The other two changes involve the substitution of words in the "chatima" at the end of the third and eleventh blessings.

The former is the most significant change wherein the words "Hamelech Hakadosh" (the Holy King) is substituted for "Ha'el Hakadosh" (the Holy God). If you don't make this substitution, your prayer is considered invalid, you have not fulfilled your prayer obligation, and you must repeat it.

There is also two slight changes to the every kaddish. One extra word is added. Instead of saying "le'elah min kol berchata" (above all blessings), you say "l'elah u'lelah min kal berchata" (above and above all blessings). (Some versions leave out the vov and read it as "l'elah l'elah".) In addition, at the end of the kaddishes, you substitute "oseh hashalom bimromav" (the one who makes peace in heaven) for "oseh shalom bimromov" (the maker of peace in heaven).

Given how often you say the prayers (three times a day) and recite kaddish (at least eight times a day), it is not easy to remember to make all these changes.

https://mykaddishyear.blogspot.com/2012/09/just-when-you-think-you-know-prayers.html

But I've gotten better at training my mind to be attuned and attentive to the changes in the prayers. This is not my first time leading prayers as a mourner during the Ten Days. And so when I was called upon to lead prayers, I was ready. The changes were imprinted on my mind. On several occasions, I let either the morning, afternoon or evening services. Each time I made all the necessary changes. It's a good feeling. As I said to one of the synagogue leaders as I descended the bima after the morning service, practice makes perfect.

There is one additional element to leading prayers during this period, and that is leading the congregation in the call and response of "Shir Hama'alot" and "Avenu Malkenu." You are the one guiding the assembled through these moving prayers. This is your chance to emote, to add your own imprint to the prayer service, to express your own feelings as you plead with God to have mercy for us, to forgive us, to grant us a good and healthy year, to judge us kindly and with favor this year. It's your chance to elevate the service from the ordinary same old, same old to something that makes an impact on the assembled's emotional state. And you have this chance because of the fact that, last year, God did not enscribe your own parent into the book of life. All the more so to plead that this year, unlike last year, be full of goodness and life.

The clothing issue

There are two main aspects to being a mourner in the Jewish tradition: saying kaddish daily and restrictions on your activities. The latter refers mainly to attending joyous occasions. The level of restriction depends on your stage of mourning: most restricted during the seven days of sitting shiva, slightly less restrictive during the month following the funeral (shloshim) and more relaxed during the eleven months of mourning that follow the shloshim. The exact counters of these restrictions depend on the community and your personal choices.

One of the restrictions during the year of mourning is on wearing new clothing. The reason is that you are not supposed to engage in activities in which you would say a shehechianu blessing, which one ordinarily does on wearing new clothes. This blessing is one of thanksgiving, to God, for bringing us to this day. It is typically recited on holidays after kiddush or when the lighting candles that signify the beginning of the holiday. But, while lesser well known, it is also recited for personal reasons, such as when you eat a new fruit or acquire something that gives you pleasure.

According to the OU (Orthodox Union) website, the blessing is recited on gifts and purchases of clothing that are worn for "enjoyment or importance." This requirement classically includes items of clothing such as suits and shirts.

W hen I began this kaddish year, I wasn't sure if it applied to shoes. So I took in all my old shoes and got them resoled. Later, when my tennis shoes wore out, and I desperately needed a new pair, I went out an bought new shoes. Then I learned that the prohibition does not apply to shoes. I'm not sure why, since a pair of new shoes can certainly bring one enjoyment and pleasure. Apparently, shoes do not fall into the category of "clothing. The prohibition also does not apply to items that are not worn for enjoyment or importance, such as underwear.

One "out" is to have someone else wear the clothing a few times, so that it no longer is technically "new." Of course, this assumes you know someone who is relatively the same size as you. Also, I would feel a little embarresed asking someone to wear some clothes I've bought, as it were, to "break in" before I can wear them.

And so I am waiting for the year to end to restock my wardrobe, which I desparetely need to do. In the meantime, I am making do with what I have.