The clothing issue

There are two main aspects to being a mourner in the Jewish tradition: saying kaddish daily and restrictions on your activities. The latter refers mainly to attending joyous occasions. The level of restriction depends on your stage of mourning: most restricted during the seven days of sitting shiva, slightly less restrictive during the month following the funeral (shloshim) and more relaxed during the eleven months of mourning that follow the shloshim. The exact counters of these restrictions depend on the community and your personal choices.

One of the restrictions during the year of mourning is on wearing new clothing. The reason is that you are not supposed to engage in activities in which you would say a shehechianu blessing, which one ordinarily does on wearing new clothes. This blessing is one of thanksgiving, to God, for bringing us to this day. It is typically recited on holidays after kiddush or when the lighting candles that signify the beginning of the holiday. But, while lesser well known, it is also recited for personal reasons, such as when you eat a new fruit or acquire something that gives you pleasure.

According to the OU (Orthodox Union) website, the blessing is recited on gifts and purchases of clothing that are worn for "enjoyment or importance." This requirement classically includes items of clothing such as suits and shirts.

W hen I began this kaddish year, I wasn't sure if it applied to shoes. So I took in all my old shoes and got them resoled. Later, when my tennis shoes wore out, and I desperately needed a new pair, I went out an bought new shoes. Then I learned that the prohibition does not apply to shoes. I'm not sure why, since a pair of new shoes can certainly bring one enjoyment and pleasure. Apparently, shoes do not fall into the category of "clothing. The prohibition also does not apply to items that are not worn for enjoyment or importance, such as underwear.

One "out" is to have someone else wear the clothing a few times, so that it no longer is technically "new." Of course, this assumes you know someone who is relatively the same size as you. Also, I would feel a little embarresed asking someone to wear some clothes I've bought, as it were, to "break in" before I can wear them.

And so I am waiting for the year to end to restock my wardrobe, which I desparetely need to do. In the meantime, I am making do with what I have.