Thursday, February 7, 2019

Questions of timing

Today was Rosh Chodesh Adar 1, the first day of the new month of Adar. This year, there are two months of Adar, Adar Aleph (Adar 1) and Adar Bet (Adar 2). That's because it is a leap year, which occurs 7 times every 19 years, and leap years have a second month of Adar. The purpose of the extra month is to keep the lunar calendar in sync with the solar year so that the holidays continue to fall out in the proper season (e.g., Passover in the spring, Sukkot in the fall).

My father died a month ago today. That sad day was also the first day of a new month, Rosh Chodesh Shvat (January 7). He took his last breath around 5:05 p.m. Since the Jewish day begins in the evening, his death occurred on the second day of Shvat. The second of Shvat is now marked as the day of his yahrzeit (anniversary day of death).

In three days, on the 3d of Adar 1, the period of Shloshim will end. That is because the period of Shloshim begins not on the day of death, but on the day of burial, which was the 4th of Shvat (January 10). Counting that day and 29 days afterward brings us to the 3d of Adar 1.

A few days ago, some friends of my parents decided to commemorate the Shloshim of his passing. They did it on the 30th day after he died, on Rosh Chodesh Adar 1 even though, technically speaking, according to halacha (Jewish law), the Shloshim was not until four days later. But it was the thought that counted, and the event was a moving testament to the impact my parents had on the Berkeley Jewish community. The learning centered around various teachings from Perkei Avot (Wisdom of the Fathers), a work that my father was particularly interested in.

The leap year will also impact the relationship of the kaddish obligation and end of the year of mourning to the yahrzeit. The Jewish calendar has 12 months. Kaddish is recited for 11 months. This is based on the idea that the purpose of kaddish is to bring merit to your deceased parent's soul, to elevate it to Gan Eden and that to say kaddish for the full year would imply that your parent's would was not worthy of being elevated within 11 months. Therefore, in normal years, a one month gap between the end of kaddish and the yahrzeit. (http://mykaddishyear.blogspot.com/2017/06/from-mourning-to-memory.html)

So I asked my rabbi whether this year, which has 13 months, I would be saying kaddish for 11 or 12 months. In other words, do the two Adars count as one or two months for purposes of saying kaddish. It turns out that they count as two separate months, so there will be a two month gap between the end of the kaddish obligation and the yahrzeit. In addition, the year of avelut (mourning) is for 12 months, so the year will end a month before the yahrzeit. In other words, kaddish will end and then a month later mourning will end and then a month later I will commemorate the yahrzeit of my father's passing.

All of which feel like a long time from now. But then, after the 11, and then the 12, and then the 13th month has passed, it will feel like an eternity ago. Even the 63+ years I spent with him is receding slowly, inevitably, into the past.

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