Thursday, February 21, 2019

A Wedding and a Vow Fulfilled

My brother got married last Sunday. It was truly a joyous occasion. But it was also tinged with sadness. This was the first family simcha (joyous occasion) that neither of my parents attended. My niece got married a few years after my mother died. At least my father was there. He carried with him the spirit of his wife, my mother, and we felt her absence. Now there was another simcha. I carried with me the spirit of both my parents. My brother drank the wine of the sheva brachot (blessings recited under the wedding canopy) from our father's kiddush cup, his presence marked.

God willing, there will be many other joyous family occasions. One day, I pray, my children will marry. There will be a wedding. One that my parents would so much have wanted to be there for. Hopefully I will be there. But I will inhabit more than myself. For I am now an inhibitor of spirits, of memory, of influences born of years in their presence and, now, their physical absence.

During the wedding, we prayed the afternoon Mincha service. I led it, cell phone in hand, because I have a chiuv (obligation) to lead the services in honor of my father. My brother and I said kaddish. We mourned. Then we celebrated.

Before my mother died, I spoke to her about my brother. He was going through a difficult time at the time. I made a promise to her. I told her that if and when he got married, I would dance for her at the wedding. Last Sunday I was able to fulfill that promise.




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